Mother
I’ve waited a full year to share the lessons I learned from the most influential person in my life…my mother. There was no funeral, no service. The children who could move away, did. She was alone in her last days. The obituary read simply: On Thursday, June 8, 2023, Diane Clifford Neuman, age 81 of Baltimore passed away. My mother did not inspire confidence, or kindness. But I learned so much from her. I learned that no matter where you start, you can choose the person you want to be, you can decide how hard you will work, and how kind you will be to others. When I was born, the nurse came to my mother and said, “Would you like to see your daughter?” “No thanks, I have the rest of my life to look at her,” she replied. I know this story from her. My mother taught me to be afraid, and that I was never enough. She was a serial criminal, lifting groceries from the local store to feed her family, and going into business with a corrupt politician who was caught by the FBI. Despite those early lessons, or maybe because of them, I decided in my twenties that character and integrity matter to me. That I can be bold and take initiative. Instead of looking for an easy payday, I learned to work hard. To deliver results. I didn’t get it all right, but I never stopped trying. When I built a company, and it was sold, she said, “I could have done what you did if I had the same opportunities.” This surprised me because we both dropped out of high school. She started a family, and I lived out of my car while I saved the money for a down payment on an apartment. The first time she publicly called me a liar was six months later when, still a teenager, I was attacked at gunpoint. She joined the police in not believing me. It would take me almost twenty years to prove I had been telling the truth. My mother threatened to sue CBS News if they shared my story on 48 Hours. I did it anyway. That story led to connecting the perpetrator to twenty-five more cases. Stand in your beliefs, and don’t let others define you. Politics was what she loved the most. So I thought she’d be proud of me when I was sworn into public office. “Mother, did you hear about my new job,” I said. It was an attempt to open the lines of communication. “Yes, I heard,” she responded, and walked away. She joined my opponent’s team and worked to see me lose my coveted seat as county executive. When a journalist was writing a profile piece on me, she was a prime source. He opened the interview with, “Your mother said you’re a liar.” It would take ten years, but I have proven that I was telling the truth about how I grew up. I look forward to sharing the journey with you. Invest in the people who care for you and don’t waste the years I have wasted wanting resolution, closure or forgiveness. Forgive yourself for wanting their love and then focus on loving yourself.
Artificial Intelligence
I truly believe there is tremendous value in the parts of our journey that we never talk about…the things we aren’t supposed to say out loud. I was at a conference in Nashville last week with some truly amazing people. After sharing my story with one of the keynotes, she told me about a woman who was abandoned on the streets of Montreal at twelve, and suffered unspeakable trauma. She’s now a highly-valued employee. So how did she go from homeless to helpful? College wasn’t available to her but her real-life experience taught her: > How to solve problems > How to be creative > How to get things done She chose to be a contributor instead of a casualty, and in doing this, changed her life. It can also change companies, and society. I moved 19 times between the ages of eighteen and thirty (when I bought my first house). There were times I had to choose between food, rent and gas. But I learned how to figure things out, to be resourceful. AI is all the rage these days, and yes, it’s a useful tool, but the future is about people who know how to solve problems.
Public Service
I get DM’s sometimes from people I’ve never met. Sometimes they change my life. I didn’t know Councilman Ric Gordon until he messaged me to say he had read about my background and wanted to endorse me to run for governor. I felt pretty special and appreciated it so much that I drove to Greenbelt to sit in his living room – with his wife, Carla, and adorable dog. I listened as he told me about the important projects in his community. I was impressed by the depth and caring, of the true commitment to public service. As a local councilman in Greenbelt, Ric changed lives. Last Sunday, we gathered the New Deal Café in Greenbelt, a spot where the locals hang out, to honor his life. It was the most Ric-like place of all places. If you’re looking for casual and friendly – and amazing fried chicken – this is it. The vibe was local. The room was packed. The speeches were personal. Ric’s wife, Carla, invited all to speak, and it seemed every person in the room had an anecdote to share. One person after the next stepped up to the mic to tell a story of how he changed their life. Stories about how he would just call people he wanted to know – or who he knew needed his support – and offer to help. I spoke of my gratitude for his support. But my message was this – honor his spirit by getting involved. Run for office. If you don’t want to run, volunteer for someone you think should be running. That is the legacy of public service. We can all make a difference.
Adventures with Leslie: Sunglasses
“Laura. I need you to come and get me. I need sunglasses.” I thought this was just a ploy from Leslie to get me to visit her. I hadn’t been able to drive for six weeks and she wasn’t having it anymore. She wanted to come to my house and take care of me. When she couldn’t do that, she reverted to something she knew would work – a request. A new one. Never did I imagine Leslie asking for sunglasses. She barely set foot outside for decades. Leslie is in a great program. In the last few weeks, she’s been to the Great Blacks in Wax Museum, Hershey Park, and Toby’s Dinner Theatre. It’s a full life. But there is no substitute for the joy Leslie experiences in her family relationships. Every single person who regularly interacts with her, including her Direct Service Providers, is family to her. They are what she talks about. “Which rides did you ride at HersheyPark,” I asked. “The monorail. Laura, Conrad took a cruise. You should call him and talk about it.” And then she’d tell me about Conrad’s trip. Conrad works at her day program. Leslie’s joy is in being connected to family, and for her that includes community. She enjoys the other activities but it’s connection that matters most to her. That’s why I invited every member of our family to her recent birthday party. It was the first time she has been celebrated in years. I ordered pizza, dozens of balloons, and we made a cake. In our family, we always make our own cake – even if it’s from a box. Decorating it is half the fun. Family members who’ve barely spoken to each other in years all celebrated and smiled together. That’s the power of Leslie and of the special people like her in our community. They love everyone. I get big hugs from her roommates every time I visit. It’s lovely.
What is Your Word Worth?
How important is your word? I don’t know if you’ve been following the Trump “Hush Money” trial… Let’s put politics aside – as well as the merits or challenges of the case – for a minute and consider that character is on trial. The only way the State of New York gets a conviction is if the jury believes the prosecution’s key witness: Michael Cohen. This is a case about what your word is worth. This case felt familiar to me but it took a minute to figure out why. It’s because I’ve lived this narrative. In the 1970’s, my mother was a “fixer” for a Baltimore politician named George Santoni. She negotiated deals, covered his tracks and signed questionable contracts. The FBI knocked on our front door investigating a Lincoln Town Car signed for by my mother. It was abandoned by a fleeing felon and found at BWI airport. This was my childhood. And adulthood. My first week in office as county executive, an investigator was in my conference room for an unrelated matter and the first thing he said to me was, “I knew your mother.” My mother lied to the FBI for Santoni. For years. Then, in 1981, Santoni stole from her. She called the FBI and offered to be an informant. They even gave her a code name. Sure they took her calls but she wasn’t a good witness. She never understood that even if she was telling the truth, her credibility was an issue. In Trump’s case, the jury can only convict if they believe the star witness. I’m not saying whether he is lying or not, but he has served jail time for lying to Congress and admitted on the stand that he secretly recorded…and stole from…his client. Your reputation is the most important thing you’ll ever own. I shared this on LinkedIn and wanted to share here too. No political comments please.
Golf
I’m not sure if it was a love of athletics or an occasional need to get out of the house, but my son took up golf last summer. My sister, Leslie, had come to live with us and he was helping me clean out 50 years of mementos, trash and furniture from my mother’s house – it was a bit stressful. Without a single lesson, Alex became an almost-scratch golfer with an entry-level set of clubs…yes, he put in some hours He had his first lesson this spring. He loved it so much he signed up for the Maryland State Golf Association Amateur Tournament. Guess what you don’t think to get if you’ve never played in a tournament? A caddy! Guess who he asked? At the last minute. Mom! I drove him over, thinking I was dropping him off. With groceries in the car, no makeup, and zero experience, I was his caddy….fortunately, they offered me a golf cart! It was so much fun!! I went to the snack shack, ordered sandwiches, snacks and drinks…put the groceries on ice…and rode around in a golf cart all day. So fun!! I was on the cart path, not in the fairway, when one of the guys in his group hit the ball into the back of my cart (photo). It actually saved him a stroke.
Small World Bright Future
One of my first trips beyond my living room since having my hip replaced was to be a guest lecturer at University of Maryland for their brilliant engineering students. This cohort of some of the best and brightest in Maryland accepted the challenge to find innovative solutions to environmental challenges. I shared my entrepreneurial journey and offered mentoring and advice as they prepare for an international business plan competition in Denmark. I’ve only known one Danish entrepreneur, Bo Pedersen – and he’s amazing – so I am excited to make an introduction because his newest company is located at the Danmarks Tekniske Universitet – DTU, where the competition will be held. Plus, how cool is it introduce the Danish professor at University of Maryland to a Danish entrepreneur, in Denmark. The world is small…and the future is bright! Thank you Birthe Kjellerup for having me to your class!
Adventures with Leslie: Board Meeting
Adventures with Leslie Sometimes you don’t pick the cause, it picks you. When I took over my sister Leslie’s care, I had no idea what the future would bring. I was reeling from the impact on my career and family. Then, I quickly realized I hadn’t been working all these years for myself, I was working for the people I love. Leslie was very happy in my home, but I knew she needed care beyond what I could provide. She needed a place where she could be with friends and have a fuller life, in addition to being part of my family. The first time I took her to visit her new Richcroft Inc home, she already knew two of her roommates. They hugged warmly after not having seen each other for years. I knew right away that Richcroft was a special place. I am honored to share that I have been asked to chair Richcroft’s first-ever advisory board. It’s exciting to to bring my many years of experience in business and non-profits to an organization that is helping Leslie live her best life! I attended my first board meeting this past week. I’d already experienced first-hand how they are redefining care for Leslie, but here are just a few examples of their innovative approach: · Chef Manny Robinson explained how he was hired to go into the homes and teach healthy food preparation to the house managers. · A supported individual spoke about how her house manager was by her side every step of the way as she achieved her healthy-weight goals. · Someone from the day program shared his adventures kayaking, which I loved hearing because so many day program just house people like Leslie in buildings, without meaningful activities. At Richcroft, supported individuals are encouraged to live their best life, and employees are valued. It is a special place and I am honored to be part of it. Thank you, Kevin Drumheller!
Adventures with Leslie: Compassionate Care
Adventures with Leslie I got a call a few weeks ago, “Hello, my name is Kyle (name changed) and I’m looking for the representative for Leslie. I’m her new service coordinator.” Ugh. My luck had run out. When I took over Leslie’s care, I sifted through piles of documents from my mothers’ house, many were crammed in boxes and covered with layers of dust and debris, looking for clues to Leslie’s diagnosis and care. In 2016, we had tried to get Leslie removed from my mother’s house…the court filings were in there. I found healthcare records dating back to 1969, and a copy of every W2 for disability benefits over the years. One specific/generic letter came up over and over. They all start with “I’m your new service coordinator.” By my count, Leslie had fifteen service coordinators in fifteen years. Sometimes up to three in a year! But, since 2017, she has had the same person – Jeanne Gonzales. Jeanne was truly my partner in getting Leslie the care she needed. A service coordinator is someone – outside the family – who ensures the vulnerable in our community have access to support, service and care. As taxpayers, the care provided is a significant investment, and service coordinators ensure every person they serve is making the most of this investment. I did my very best to support my sister, but I could not have done any of what I did without Jeanne. She made great recommendations on programs, and she helped me find the perfect place for her. When Leslie went to visit her new home for the first time, Jeanne was there. She’s like family. Leslie loves everyone so I know she’ll love Kyle, but stable, compassionate care is what the most vulnerable in our community really need.
Adventures with Leslie: I Love You
In life, love often finds its way through the cracks of silence and uncertainty. It’s a force that persists, even when met with resistance. Growing up, I never heard the words, “I love you.” Not once. To this day, I have never heard a member of my family of origin say those three words. Ever. When Leslie came to live with me, it was an unspoken understanding. But I am persistent. Every night, just before she went to sleep, I would go into her room and say, “I love you.” She would simply said “ok” or not reply at all. That’s the only thing she’s known. Those three words became a testament to my unwavering commitment to her well-being. It was a small gesture, perhaps, but one rooted in resilience and determination. As Leslie embarked on her new journey in her new home, our bond faced new challenges. We daily rely on Facetime calls to connect when she is not visiting.On Wednesday, at the end of our call, I said, “I love you.” The video usually clicks off halfway through her reply of “ok” or the call just ends. Just the fact that she’s using an iPad is mind-boggling, so I’m never surprised when it ends abruptly. But this time…this time…mind blown. Just before the video clicked off, eleven days before her sixty-first birthday, I heard her say, “I love you.” She said it back! It’s moments like these that remind me of the resilience of the human spirit. Despite our upbringing, despite the barriers that threaten to divide us, love has the power to transcend. Leslie’s journey is a testament to that resilience, a reminder that growth is not only possible but inevitable. So, as we continue to navigate life’s uncertainties, let us hold onto the persistence of love. Let us cherish the moments of connection, no matter how fleeting. For in the end, it is love that sustains us, illuminating the path toward growth and understanding. hashtag#resilience hashtag#determination hashtag#love
